Weekly Update…

Well guys, this week has been a doozy. It was going pretty good until today actually.

Tuesday was physical therapy. It was much better this week than that one week that it sent me into a flare. No flare this week, just a couple of really tender trigger points in my hip area that had to be worked out. Honestly I don’t know that the trigger points were released seeing as how they’re still hurting. Of course, it could be my bursitis acting up. It may be time to pay my rheumy a visit to get injections in my hips again.

Wednesday was a sad day. It was my last visit with my psychologist seeing as how she has married and is moving to another city. I will start seeing my new therapist mid-August. I had gotten used to things with my therapist and I really hate to see her go. Even more I hate to think about having to start all over again with someone who doesn’t know me. The good thing that happened Wednesday was that the keyboard/case for my iPad came in the mail. It is a lot easier to write posts using the keyboard than using the screen of the tablet.

Thursday was supposed to be a day of rest knowing what all I had to do on Friday, but it turned out to be a bit busy as well. The screen protector that I had purchased for my iPad on Monday was already starting to peel up. So of course, I took it back to the store for a refund. Then I decided to buy one from Verizon and have them put it on for me. It was a good decision. I have never seen any screen saver (phone or tablet) not have at least one bubble until that day. The man did a beautiful job with the screen protector, told me that once it was scratched to come back and he would put one of the two remaining protectors on for me, and sold me on a glass screen protector for my iPhone. Then, I called the police station and finally found out why it was taking so long on the police report…they had “misplaced” it. So then I had to drive downtown, purchase the police report, and then take it to the rental place. Like I said, busy day for a “rest” day.

Friday was like every time I get my check. I run all across town paying things that I am unable to pay by phone. Depending on the lines that can take anywhere from 2 to 5 hours. This day took 3 hours, so not too bad. Then I went back to Verizon, bought the glass screen saver and a car holder for my iPhone, and to Target to buy a case. By the way, for those who don’t know, Target will match prices- even online. They will match Amazon’s price just as long as the product is sold and shipped by Amazon and not a third party. So I was able to get a $35 case for $22.99 thanks to Amazon’s scanning ability and Target’s competitiveness. After that I got a hankering for a new purse, so I went to Burlington and found a beautiful red leather purse and matching wallet on sale. Happy with the day’s purchases, I made my way home (aching body and all). Shortly after getting home the mailman came with my birthday package from my best friend. So now I have a set of bluetooth headphones to use when I’m driving or when I’m doing housework and want to listen to music without carrying my phone around. All in all a very good day, but completely exhausting!

Today is Saturday. I slept in late (It was about time I got some good sleep) but I still woke up utterly exhausted. I really need to go grocery shopping, but my body hurts so badly that I don’t know if I’ll be able to. Not to mention that I have dishes and laundry to do. I would really like for my day to be productive, but I just don’t know if I can. I have used my inhaler and taken a pain pill, so maybe in a little while I will have some energy and less pain so that I can go. I know that if I do I will have to use one of those electric cart things and I absolutely hate using them. But, I suppose it’s worth it to have food to eat, right?

I still haven’t heard anything from the rental place about whether or not they are going to replace the iPad. M said that he is willing to finish making payments on it, so at least I won’t have to worry about that bill anymore- whether or not they replace it. I just hate to lose all of the money that I put into it. I want it to be worth it to someone whether it’s M or my sister (who also said that she would be willing to take over payments- well who wouldn’t? There’s not that much left to pay on it!)

How was your week? Did something exciting happen or something sad? Feel free to leave a comment about how your week went.

Another Great Week!

This past week has been a hard one, but a great one! It was hard because of physical therapy. This time, even though I felt ok immediately after PT, the soreness of the next day has lasted me most of the week. I suppose that’s what I get for telling my physical therapist that the week before was a breeze…I won’t make that mistake again. The manual work she did made it feel like I had done a two-hour workout, which anyone with a chronic illness knows is a no-no. It brought on a flare that I am still dealing with. I am hoping that it will get better soon.

It was a great week because I celebrated my birthday a month early. How did I celebrate, you might ask. Well, I have been having problems with my cellphone which was an Android. Being that I am an Apple lover and have a MacBook laptop and an iPad, and previously had an iPhone until I washed it in the washing machine (oh yeah- I did that) the Android was truly a let-down. I was unable to sync my calendars between my other devices and my cellphone, I was uncomfortable with the operating system, it had no memory (well, it had 2GB which is basically nothing), and it kept rejecting my SD card. So, even though I have been trying to stay away from a contracted phone service, I broke down and signed up for a two-year contract with Verizon and got the new iPhone 5s. The best part? The normally $199 phone was 50% off, so I ended up paying only $99!!!

I am in love with my new cellphone! I hadn’t realized how much I missed the iPhone until we synced everything up (simply by signing into my iCloud account) and all of my contacts, appointments, and apps were automatically part of my new phone. YAY! This will make my life so much easier! Plus, the phone service I had before didn’t work where my sister lives. I would have to make calls using her WiFi. Verizon’s service so far has been outstanding here where I live and where my sister lives (thanks to a trip I took yesterday)…everywhere except for in my house. That is the only downside I have found so far. Trying to have a conversation while inside is a bit of a chore seeing as how I only have one bar and calls keep getting dropped. Oh well- it is SO VERY worth it to have a phone I don’t hate.

So, all-in-all a great week…another HAPPY week. I am loving this “happy” trend I have going on. Here’s to wishing for many more great weeks to come!

One Year Anniversary

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Today is my one year anniversary with WordPress…and what a year it has been! I started this blog as a way to vent about my medical issues and hopefully help other chronic pain patients at the same time. I believe that I have accomplished what I set out to do. I wrote a lot more towards the beginning of my time with WordPress, but I just had so much to say back then. There was a lot of catching everyone up on my issues and informing you guys about adhesions. Since doing that, my writing has slowed down quite a bit, but most of you have stuck it out with me. Also, welcome to all of my new followers. I have met some truly amazing people and made some very good friends…all in all a complete success if I do say so myself ūüôā

This week has been great. I am still feeling better from the increase in the corticosteroids. Not quite as well as I did those first three days, but much better than I have these past few years. Just to show you how much better I have been feeling, I will use cleaning as an example. Since my adhesion symptoms worsened a few years ago (but especially since the start of the Fibro fatigue), mopping and vacuuming have been pretty much impossible. I could sweep on occasion, but definitely not as much as one should…especially being a fur-parent. The other day I found a small, lightweight vacuum cleaner and a steam mop (both for $30 if you can believe that!) and I have been able to vacuum the carpet in my bedroom. Today I vacuumed the hardwood floors in the living room/dining room and steam mopped them! I am exhausted at the moment, but it feels so good to have been able to get it done. The steam mop ended up being heavier than I expected (harder to push and pull) but I was still able to get it done. For the first time in a long time I feel as if I have accomplished something big…and I suppose I have.

Physical therapy started this week. I will be going once a week to a new physical therapist. So far, I think that she and I will work a lot better together than the therapist I used after mine moved to a new clinic. She is more “hands on” like the first therapist was and even uses a technique I’ve never seen before. I believe that I might start to see results soon, and that’s great since the second therapist I used never really helped much at all. She would just watch me do my “at home” exercises…what’s the point in that?

The last past of my great week was winning a contest! Michael Fernandez at MigraineDiscussions.com had a contest in June for Migraine Awareness Month. There were two grand prizes for two winners…a pair of Axon Optics sunglasses. Axon Optics specializes in glasses for migraine sufferers. I entered the contest with a post I wrote for Migraine Awareness Month entitled My Migraine Story. Michael announced the two grand prize winners with a You Tube video and it shocked me to hear him say my name! He had two pairs to give away. One was a pair of “cats eye” women’s sunglasses and the other was a unisex pair that can be worn over prescription eyeglasses. Guess which one I won…yes, I won the pair that can be worn over my own eyeglasses! They came in the mail on Friday and I wore them all day yesterday as I was doing a bit of running around (the all day long kind of running around). I was amazed at how lightweight they were. They didn’t make the bridge of my nose start to hurt until the afternoon. The pair I was wearing before would start to hurt after only about an hour at which point I would have to take them off. These new ones I was able to simply reposition and keep going. I will write a review of them after I’ve had a few weeks to wear them, but so far so good! Here are pictures of me with and without the new sunglasses:

Without Axon Optics

Without Axon Optics

With Axon Optics

With Axon Optics

So, I rounded out a not-so-great year with a wonderful week! I will try to get back to writing more often again. I just wanted to thank all of my followers, new and old, who have stuck by me throughout this year and more often than not have been my support when I had none. Thank you for listening to my rants, my tears, and my triumphs, and for being my shoulder to lean on. Here’s to another year of blogging and many more new friends to be made!

A Couple of “Normal” Days

 

I have had a busy couple of days. Of course, I normally do the first of the month. I always have a lot of running around and bills to get paid. This month though I had two busy days instead of just one. Yesterday, the third, I had my normal amount of running around plus a doctor’s appointment and a hair appointment.

I told the doctor about my reaction to the steroids and how they actually made me feel normal for the first time in about three years. He said that his only concern would be that my good reaction could be a sign of an immune system disorder and that’s why the Prednisone made me feel better. He wants me to try to get back in with my rheumatologist to discuss that possibility. In the meantime, he increased the amount of steroids in my inhaler. He said to give it a couple of weeks to work. If I get the energy from it, then it will probably be a sign of an immune system problem and he will let the rheumy handle it. If my energy still doesn’t increase, then he said that he will consider some sort of stimulant medication to help with my quality of life. I really don’t want to have to take a stimulant, but if it gives me some semblance of life back, then it am willing to take it.

After the doctor’s appointment I did my normal running around and then I had an appointment to get full highlights. I decided this time to go blond. That’s a big change for me because I have used red for so many years. I hope to put a picture up soon for you guys to see. It has taken a little bit to get used to because it’s such a big change, but it’s starting to grow on me. It was my present to myself for the 4th.

M has been sick all this week, so today I spent the morning with him at the doctor’s office. I was shocked at how long it took considering that there were no people there. I suppose I’m used to my doctors who stay busy and try to see people as quickly as possible. It took like 3 hours to be seen for a sore throat. Crazy! Then because he was sick and my car is the only one with air conditioning, I drove him around all day while he looked for tools for work. One good thing I got out of it was a new vacuum cleaner. It is lightweight so hopefully it will be easier for me to use than a heavier one.

So right now, I am listening to the sound of fireworks while my head throbs and every inch of my body aches. I know I overdid it these two days, but days like this when I’m able to push myself is really the only time I feel alive. I spend so much time in bed trying not to wear myself out that the pain from doing too much is almost worth being able to act normal for a while. Tomorrow I will rest. I will have to.

Lastly, I start physical therapy again next week. I will be trying out a new physical therapist this time. I wasn’t too impressed with my last one. I’m kinda excited to start back. I even bought a couple of workout outfits to wear. So for the rest of the holiday weekend I will be resting up so that my body will be able to take the abuse from physical therapy. I hope all of my US friends have a great holiday weekend, and the rest of you guys have a great regular weekend. Oh, and a very special friend is getting married this weekend, so I want to wish him all the luck and happiness in the world. I am so glad that he has found happiness and joy with a loving partner.

 

Before

Before

 

After

After

Taking Stock | Just Another F-bomb

Dealing with a chronic pain disorder can feel like having the ¬†weight of the world on anyone‚Äôs shoulders. Lives are forever changed as time is spent adapting to the new limitations that have suddenly been foisted upon us. Before we even realize it, life revolves around the illness as we wade our way through Dr. visits, lab work, diagnostic studies, various therapies and…

Read More: Taking Stock | Just Another F-bomb.

This is absolutely what life is like.  Our whole world begins to revolve around our illness.  The lucky ones are those that have been able to accept it for what it is and move on from there.  Thank you, Leslie for this post and reminding me that this is my new life now.  Time to learn how to deal with it and be thankful for what I have.

Patches and Gloves

So it turns out that the steroid patch that I was given yesterday by my physical therapist did not do the trick on my hip(s). I guess that means that it might not have bursitis. I suppose that is a good thing, but now I’m in the dark again as to what could be wrong with my hips. They hurt from my bottom to my lower back and down the outside of the leg. I would go to my GP, but I still don’t trust him at this point. I may have to get a referral for a new GP. That sounds so weird to say, because usually they are the ones giving the referral to go to a specialist, not the other way around. I know, I know…I’m just backwards ūüėú.

On another note, I have 3 dogs that love me, a roof over my head, a vehicle to drive, and clothes to wear. I know from weeks past that things could be much worse, so I am grateful for all that I have and that the pain has subsided some. Some is better than none and I will take every one point off that scale of 10 that I can get! Also, Jenn @ myfibrotasticlife.com just made me the cutest pair of crocheted fingerless gloves! She even let me pick out my own color. They will be in the mail and on my hands before the end of the week. I’m so excited! So, if you get a chance, check out her blog and there is a link at the top for her online shop.

On the Road to Recovery

I am feeling much better today. The antibiotics have kicked in and I am on the road to recovery! I had PT today, but it was with my old therapist. For those who don’t know, she got a (better) job offer and took it. I was unable to follow her because the place she works now doesn’t accept my insurance. Well, she has started working for a few hours on Fridays just for her patients who she can’t see at her new job (like me!). I have missed her so much. She knew my body so well that I could go in and she would ask where I was hurting and fix it! Even after all this time I walked in and she asked, “So, where are you hurting today?”

Since I am feeling a little better (and I wanted to take advantage of her being the one to work with me) I told her about how my hips have been bothering me. She was like “bursitis?” And touched the exact place where I have been hurting so bad. I almost came off the table it hurt so bad (that would have been funny though). So she tortured me for an hour (it’s ok, I always feel better later) and then she put a steroid patch on one of my hips. She said that if it helped, it was probably bursitis. I was not happy to hear that, even though I had no idea what bursitis was before today except it was what older people said was bothering them anytime the weather changed. I was thinking ‘damn, now I have the old person’s illness’. Yes, I do realize how dumb that was, but I thought it, what can you do?

The thing is, she used to make whatever was hurting better. Don’t get me wrong, she’s rough. But maybe that’s what it takes sometimes. My new therapist doesn’t do that. First of all she doesn’t do much manual stuff (she seems more worried about my bone alignment than my soft tissue) but even when she does, it doesn’t help. Sometimes it makes it worse. I don’t know why that is considering she was the one who trained my old therapist. Student out-learning the teacher, maybe. Or maybe she is just so swamped with the old therapist gone that she isn’t concentrating 100%. Whatever the case, I will be able to see therapist #1 whenever she’s able to go, which makes me feel better.

So, basically I am sore (which I can do sore…it’s different than PAIN) but happy. It was good to see my old friend and caregiver again. Tomorrow should be even better assuming history repeats itself ūüėČ.

 

My Crazy Week

This week has been one hell of a week and it’s not even over yet! ¬†Monday I called my Ob/Gyn pelvic pain specialist to get the ultrasound done that I needed to see what has been making me hurt so bad. ¬†The doctor not only got me in same day, he actually saw me and did trigger point injections too. ¬†Turns out that I do not have a cyst, but do have a urinary tract infection. ¬†That’s funny because last week when I went to my GP he made no comment on the urinalysis and did not prescribe any antibiotics. ¬†On Monday, however it was so bad that I was barely able to give them a sample. ¬†I’m talking it is so bad now that I had to go twice so that they had enough to use and then ended up with not one, but two types of antibiotic. ¬†No wonder I have been hurting so bad. ¬†It’s a shame, because I thought that this GP was going to be a good one. My psychologist said that part of the problem is that general practitioners are used to seeing most all of their patients on a yearly or biyearly basis. ¬†They are not used to “trouble” patients like the specialists are. ¬†She also said that next time I thought I might have a UTI to go to the drugstore and they sell UTI tests…like pregnancy tests. ¬†Damnedest thing I ever heard! ¬†How did I not know about this? ¬†That way, you take the test and then when you call the doctor you can tell him that you already took a test at home and it was positive. Huh. ¬†Either way, I guess it’s time I started looking for a new GP.

So after my visit with the Ob/Gyn, I had an appointment with pain management. ¬†Well, wouldn’t you know it there was a wreck on the interstate and traffic was completely stopped. I had to go back through downtown and on backroads to get to the doctors office. ¬†Turns out they have a fifteen minute policy that once you are more than fifteen minutes late they can (and usually do) reschedule the appointment. ¬†Hellfire! ¬†I was 45 minutes late. ¬†They rescheduled me for Tuesday.

Tuesday I got my check so I was running around all morning trying to get all of my bills paid before my appointments that day. ¬†I was still hurting at around an 8-9 and I had close to no pain medication because it was supposed to have been filled the day before. ¬†I was completely miserable, but I thought to myself “I’m going to plaster a smile on my face (even if it’s fake) and get done what has to be done.” ¬†I got my errands taken care of (barely) and high-tailed it to physical therapy. ¬†Oh yes. ¬†I had physical therapy that day with no pain meds. ¬†Shit. ¬†The physical therapist knew there was a problem as soon as she saw me (maybe I’m loosing my touch and my “everything’s fine” face just isn’t cutting it). ¬†I told her about the UTI and the pain meds situation and she didn’t make me do any exercises, just did light soft tissue stuff (light my ass it hurt!) and put me on heating pads.

After the appointment with PT I hight-tailed it to pain management (I did a bunch of high-tailing that day…where did that expression come from anyway?) ¬†I got there and was only 10 minutes late (woo-hoo!). ¬†I was seen and we adjusted my medication…so we’ll see how it works out now. ¬†She upped one to 3 times a day instead of two and decreased the other to 3 times a day instead of 4. ¬†She also decided that we would try another procedure, but on a different set of nerves than last time. ¬†I have to be finished with my antibiotics, though, so I can’t have it done for a couple of weeks…I’ll let you know how that goes.

Today I REALLY wanted to stay in bed, but I had an appointment with my psychologist – hence her telling me about the cool UTI test. ¬†It went well. ¬†Since I had cancelled last week, I had to catch her up on everything that has been going on. ¬†She gave me some really good advice and I kind of didn’t follow it (really long story and I’m not in the mood to discuss it today). ¬†I feel like I’ve let her down. ¬†I really need to work on not feeling so guilty all of the time and trying to people please. ¬†What can I say, I’m a work in progress.

After my therapy session I stopped by the grocery store. ¬†As I was grabbing the last few things I needed, my body decided that it had had enough. ¬†I was holding on to that shopping cart for dear life, praying that I could just get out of there and get home. ¬†I don’t know if my muscles just gave up on me or if they all spasmed at once, and I was EXTREMELY sleepy. ¬†The drive home I had the steering wheel gripped so tight my knuckles were white, I was praying to get home without killing myself or someone else, and I just kept saying to myself “come on, Joy, you can do it, you can make it.” ¬†I did make it home safely. ¬†I got the bags out of the car (it took every ounce of strength I could muster) and got in the house. ¬†I put the few cold things in the refrigerator, I laid down and I literally passed out for a couple of hours. ¬†I am so glad that I have nothing to do tomorrow. ¬†I can spend all day recuperating from the past few days. I am thoroughly enjoying that idea!

Bad Days

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I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that all of us who suffer from some form of invisible illness have good days and bad days. ¬†I have had a bad couple of days. ¬†I don’t really want to talk about yesterday for one because it would probably be too much information anyway, and for two, well, I just don’t want to talk about it. ¬†Suffice it to say that it was a BAD day.

Today started out a little better, and I had PT this morning. ¬†Usually, I bounce back pretty quickly from the torture that is physical therapy, but today my body just isn’t agreeing to do so. ¬†I had a lot of trigger points on my stomach…partly around my incision scar, and the other two were right where they always are on my hip flexor muscle. ¬†I guess I should probably look it up to see what I can learn about it, but I don’t even feel like doing that right now. ¬†I am hurting so bad all I want to do is try to sleep…which is close to impossible and when I do sleep, I get a whole 2 or 3 hours at a time. At least for those two or three hours I don’t feel the pain. I believe that this is where a lot of depression comes from. Not only from the pain, but being unable to escape from it. Escapes are short-lived and if you spend all your time in bed, people think you’re depressed anyway.

I don’t know, but for some reason, I am having muscles spsms all over my body. This morning, my back was actually feeling better (because of the foam roller) and now, just after her trying to work out trigger points on my stomach, I have back muscles from my bottom all the way up to my shoulders trying to cramp. Not to mention the sensation that my stomach from right under my ribs all the way to my lower pelvis (hip flexor) is black and blue from PT this morning (which it is not…I’ve looked!)

I really should be (and sort of am) grateful that it has been a while since I have had bad days like this. However, for as much gratitude as I can muster, I have twice as much anger and frustration because I just want to feel better again. For a while I felt that things were getting better…and just like they always do, I am slapped in the face with another set of bad days. I truly hope that this doesn’t last long. With as much other stuff as I’ve been dealing with lately at home, I know that I don’t have the patience today to deal with anything. I am almost dreading him getting home from work, because he is going to expect me to be ok like I have been lately, and he doesn’t know how to deal with the bad days. He will either say the wrong thing, or even just insinuate something (like I’m just being lazy) and it’ll start a fight. Of course, as you know the circle of never-ending shit is that the pain causes the anxiety, the anxiety just causes more pain, and the two together make me a not so great person to be around. No wonder he says he gets tired of my shit. I would be tired of me too. I am tired of me…tired of this continuous roller-coaster of good and bad days. How am I supposed to learn to get used to this? To accept that this is my new “norm”? Well, I don’t want to accept it, I want to get better.

Note: as I am writing this I am crying, and the bigger of my three dogs (the one from the picture yesterday who was all covered up on the couch) kept trying to get to me. I put aside the tablet, and he started licking the tears off my face. How sweet is that? He has a habit of doing it, so I sort of knew what he wanted. I kept trying to tell him I was ok, but he had to make sure for himself before he would leave me alone. See why I love my “babies” so much?

Now, back to what I was saying…those of you who have been sick for a long time (i.e. Julie) how do you accept that this is your new life? At what point does it finally stick in that hard head of yours (mine, not yours) that life as you knew it is over and you are cursed to suffer for the rest of your life those bad days when even the good ones aren’t great? I have tried and tried and have not managed yet to accept this life I have been given. Any words of wisdom from any of you who accompany me in this suffering?

 

My Day Today II

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I woke woke up this morning feeling nice. ¬†I got up, and had some fresh ground coffee (I got a bag of Seattle’s Best for $2 on clearance at Wal-Mart, but they were whole beans…either way yay for budget shopping!). ¬†After having my coffee (I usually can’t eat until later) I swept and got the floor ready for my yoga mat, thinking that I would start the day out with some PT stretches. ¬†Why the urge to do my stretches (you say)? Because, the therapist recommended that I get a foam roller. ¬†She said that it would really help with the mayo facial pain…kind of like giving yourself a deep tissue massage. ¬†I had just happened to see foam rollers on clearance at Wal-Mart also, so I figured, what could it hurt. ¬†Me…it hurt me!

I had tried the foam roller for just a second at PT on Thursday, but quickly decided that it would be an activity that I would do in the privacy of my own home in case I cried.

Let me insert something here: if I have never explained the pain sensation associated with stretching out adhesions, let me do it now. My old physical therapist used to do it manually, so I am familiar with the sensation and also know that the pain is to be expected. It is sore the next day, but then later it feels soooo much better. Ok, so there are two types of pain the foam roller causes: mayofacial release (in my case stretching out and loosening up the adhesions) and trigger points. The first feels like a white hot sword is slicing slowly through your body…yeah, not fun. With trigger points, once you hit one, the pain rushes (radiates) from the trigger point all the way down that nerve. So a trigger point in your low back can actually be felt half-way down your leg.

Now I bet you’re wondering why the hell I would do that to myself…it helps. If it weren’t for my last physical therapist, I wouldn’t know that, so muchos thank yous to her. Ok, so this morning I felt that strange, Christmas morning feeling when you want to play with your new toys (which I get no matter what I buy…I don’t know why I’m like that) and this sick in the pit of my stomach feeling because I knew what was coming.

I warmed up with all my usual PT stretches (many are basically modified yoga moves) before even touching the foam roller. I apprehensively grabbed it while I thought to myself “Joy, now I know you are some sort of masochist.” I started out with something easy…my calves and worked my way up. It wasn’t until I got to the trigger points in my buttocks (the ones that tend to affect the sciatic nerve) that I really wanted to cry. I didn’t. I stayed strong. And the funny thing was that the longer I stayed on a place that hurt, the more the pain started to ease away. I ended up so confident in the foam roller that I even used it on my stomach/pelvis where the majority of the adhesions are, especially around the surgical scar. I was so proud of myself!

I also had a little bit of energy left (or the workout gave me the energy…whatever…that I was able to wash some clothes, the dishes, and wipe down the stove and countertop.

Around 2:00 pm I started to get ready for church. I showered and had every intention on wearing dress pants, but it seems that none of them fit, so I ended up having to wear a dress. Everyone was so nice there. I ended up making friends with a little old lady who sat next to me during mass and tried to explain everything that was going on (I’m not Catholic). I was even invited to “fellowship afterwards, which meant coffee and cookies. Something inside told me that this was the church I was supposed to go to. I was nervous at first, but that quickly faded away.

So, that was my day today. I am absolutely exhausted now, and will probably spend tomorrow recuperating, but it was a good day, a day of surprises and of me proving how strong (and strong-willed) I really am. I was proud of myself today for the first time in a very long time.