“Broken”

I’ve been battling with myself for a while, not really wanting to talk to anyone and wanting to spend time alone. I am not sure when or why this started, but I’m hoping to crawl my way out of this hole soon. Thank you all who have been worried about me…you have no idea how much I appreciate it. I wanted to share this song with you all. It comes from the movie “Broken Bridges”. It is a song that lets you know that however you are feeling is ok. Enjoy.

Guest Post: Mendy

Image credit: englishwithatwist.com

Image credit: englishwithatwist.com

This is another one of the friends that I have met in the adhesions support group that I am in on Facebook. We are alike (and unusual from the norm) because our adhesions formed mostly from infection instead of from surgery. I hope that you enjoy reading her story. If  you do, please comment and give her a hello.

 

 

image

My name is Mendy I’m 51 years old from Cocoa, FL and this is my story:

My life with abdominal adhesions began in 1979 when I gave birth to my son. I was 17 and had an easy pregnancy and delivery, when I went in for my check-up I told my gyno that I thought I had an infection. He said I didn’t. We went back and forth like this for a few years, eight years to be exact, when he finally told me that I didn’t have an infection it was just “gods” way of punishing me for having a baby so young.

I changed gyno doctors and the first thing the new doctor did was clear up the (non-existent) infection which turned out to be PID. Since I was now re-married and wanting to expand my
family we started taking fertility pills because I was not getting pregnant on my own. After two years of taking the pills I found out that I was pregnant. My new husband, myself and my 10 year old son were over the moon with excitement. I was four months pregnant when we had the first ultra sound and found out that something very strange had happened, I was pregnant but a baby never formed it was just a blob and it was known as a blighted ovum and the pregnancy would terminate and a D&C would need to be performed. After a period of mourning and healing time we decided to try again, this time my doctor wanted to do a laparoscopic to find out why the pregnancy did what it did and to see why I was unable to conceive normally. He did a video laparoscopic and found dense multiple adhesions that had all of my reproductive organs twisted and tied and adhered to other organs and my abdominal wall. They said it was called a frozen abdomen. He removed as many as he could safely get to and told me that my chances of ever conceiving or even carrying a baby to term was minimal at best and definitely not recommended. The PID for eight years had done the damage and that my life would never be the same.

For the next nine years I went from gyno to head doctor to gastroenterologist back to gyno in a viscous circle because adhesions don’t show up on any test so therefore it had to be in my head. In the meantime my menstrual cycles were coming very erratically some times I would have my period for months at a time and then they would stop for months at a time and the every day pain was getting worse and worse. I literally crawled into a gyno’s office and went through the story with him and begged him for the hysterectomy because I was told 10 years prior that was the only thing that was going to stop the pain. He refused because I was only 27, I asked him to watch the tape and get back with me. He phoned at 9pm that night and said he was setting me up for emergency hysterectomy the next day. This man was a god send. I don’t know what he did but I came out of the hysterectomy with my belly cut open from hip bone to hip bone and was told that the adhesions were so dense he had to stop the laparoscopy and go in abdominally, he removed adhesions for hours just in order to get to my reproductive system and while he was there he just removed everything so I wouldn’t ever have to have surgery again. He said he put some sort of surgical gel in and tried to coat everything to try and slow the growth of the adhesions down some but no guarantees. I was pain free for 6 glorious years and then had to have an emergency appendectomy. That was in 2003 and the pain has increased over the years until now I am back to living on a mostly liquid diet to try to avoid blockages and further surgeries. Adhesions have destroyed my life, I am no longer able to live a normal life everything I do depends on how bad the pain is that day. I can not plan anything that I can’t excuse myself from at the last moment most of my friends abandoned me years ago because they can’t count on me to be there physically and they definitely don’t understand because I “look fine” so it just doesn’t make any sense to them. I’ve lost my career because of the pain, I could take pain pills and make it through the day but who wants a doped up employee and if I don’t take the pills I am doubled over in pain and crying at my desk so my career ended in 2011.

My hope is that some day they will find a way to stop these dreadful ropes that tie my insides into a ball, if not for me than for future generations so they don’t have to live this way.

Thank you for listening.

 

 

Ok my friends, there you have it. Mendy’s story. Please leave a comment, even if it’s just a hello to let her know you stopped by.

Down Time

I know that it has been a while since I’ve written, but I’ve needed some down time. I did way too much during the first few days of the month and now I’m paying for it. I’ve spent two days completely bed-bound and then another two days where I have been able to get out of bed for short periods of time and then I have to lay back down again.

I have also dealt with some recent disappointments. I would rather not go into details. Just know that I have been sad lately. I will climb out of this hole soon enough. I am strong ad will recover soon from this down time. I have also gotten behind in reading your blogs. Once I’m able to sit up for longer periods of time I will catch up on those.

I just wanted to let y’all know that I’m still here, still kicking it, and will be back soon. I hope you are all ok and having good days.

Guest Blogger: Laura Macky

Image credit: englishwithatwist.com

Image credit: englishwithatwist.com

 

Today I have a special guest for you all to meet. Her name is Laura Macky and she is a photographer, showcasing her beautiful work on her blog lauramacky.wordpress.com. You can read a bit more about her on her “About” page found here. Like many of us, Laura has spent a lot of time with her “happy face” on to the rest of the world, all the while hiding her physical and emotional pain on the inside. I really hope you all enjoy her writing because I’m trying to convince her to write a series of posts (in other words, let’s show her lots of love in the comments section so that she’ll come back 😀.)

Enough of my chattering, here she is: Laura Macky!

I’m honored that I’ve been asked to do a guest blog here. It’s kind of a big deal for me because I’m one who likes to present a smiling face and one who doesn’t show what’s really going on inside. But I think a lot of us are like that, don’t you? Lately, life has been a journey of awakening, spiritual growth and learning how to deal with a myriad of physical and emotional issues. Thankfully, I’ve learned how to awaken creativity inside of me in a new way (meaning photography) which has given me a new lease on life!

Almost as far back as I can remember, I’ve battled depression and addictions due to a dysfunctional upbringing. Growing up was not a happy place to be most of the time emotionally, and when I started having physical problems on top of that, it sunk me further into depression and addiction. Fortunately, I’ve been working on myself with a wonderful therapist who I call “Dr. Bill”. He is a gem and I really don’t know where I’d be today without him.

My physical problems pretty much all started with an auto accident which set me up for a lot of health issues. After having neck surgery, I was left with nerve damage on my right side from my jaw down to my fingers which means I have a very hard time doing simple tasks and have constant pain on that side. Also after the surgery, I developed a severe case of fibromyalgia. For years I kept thinking it would “go away” and I spent a lot of time in doctors’ offices reading a lot of sailing magazines, lol. I’ve often wondered if sailing magazines give discounts to doctors or if there really are that many doctors who sail.

Needless to say, I was very down in the dumps. I could no longer play the piano which had been my “go-to” hobby since I was four years old, gone were the days of working out at the gym which I so loved, and I was so depressed that I really didn’t want to live any longer. I was a mess yet always presenting a smile on my face to the world and my family.

Finally, I realized I had to do something. Slowly but surely I started a Laura Macky overhaul in the way I interact with life. The realization set in that things weren’t going to improve drastically physically, so I had to change the way I viewed life from the inside. I started working on myself through therapy and support groups, but I still missed having a hobby. Hmm…what to do…….

Enter photography! It’s a fairly new hobby for me, more seriously delving into it in the last year, and it’s made all the difference. Photography has given me the excitement of seeing things again. Our world is so beautiful and I’m happy to be a part of it again; not only physically but with everyone I’m meeting via WordPress too. I really enjoy reading others’ blogs of all different types, and when we all share things together it makes it even better!

I really appreciate this opportunity to open up and share what’s really behind the lens.

Let’s Talk About Em-pa-thy – Let’s Talk About You and Me

Empathy is a hell of a drug. Isn’t it? It’s the ability to ‘trip’ on the emotions, feelings and thoughts of an-other. Unlike sympathy, it requires you to directly engage with someone else’s insides. You’ve got to walk in the other person’s shoes. You can’t just sit back on your pillow of pleasantness, laugh on the inside, and maybe, just maybe – only out of sympathy – extend your ‘supportive’, un-emotionally-fettered hand out for aid. Nope. Empathy demands your hands get dirty. It demands you to dive back into the dark places you’ve already been, to draw on the emotions and thoughts and experiences you’ve had, so that you can use those past-heartaches to relate to The Other.

When you empathise then, you’re not merely indulging in a purely intellectual exercise. When you’re empathising, you’re not simply observing your past experiences and identifying them as the correct response to The Other’s woes. It’s not like a school assessment where you merely have to recall data by dipping into your memory bank to retrieve the right answer. Humans don’t work like that…

To read more of this great blog, click on the following link: Let’s Talk About Em-pa-thy – Let’s Talk About You and Me.