My “Babies”

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I am home by myself most days. I get a peek at the real world when I have a doctors appointment or when I go grocery shopping, but that’s about it. Of course, there’s always TV, but there is no social interaction with the TV set. At least I speak to doctors and nurses and the check-out ladies at the store. However, that doesn’t really count. Yes, I know, I have a sad, sad life 😦 lol. Actually, I am happy with where my life is today. I am learning that all we are promised is right now-this moment. There is no guarantee that there will be a tomorrow, so why should I worry about it? But I am getting a little off subject here. I was talking about being alone. I just so happen to be one very lucky woman because I am never completely alone. I have three wonderful dogs who I share this life with. Each one has their own personality and they never fail to get me out of bed everyday (well, you know I do have to get up to open the door and let them out occasionally or it probably wouldn’t be a very pretty sight lol). First is Molly. She is a Beagle mix (not sure what she’s mixed with) that I adopted from a friend who had just graduated college and was off to take her first job as a graduate in Prague. Obviously she couldn’t take her dogs with her (and her ex-husband didn’t want them). So, I adopted Molly. She is the most like me. Very laid back and patient. She is so cute because a lot of times she will lie down and cross her two front paws as if she were crossing her legs. I say she’s just being prissy when she does it, but really she is my little princess (or she thinks she is anyway). Next is Bailey. She is actually Molly’s sister. So,what happened was that when my sister met Molly she fell in love with her (mostly because she was already housebroken) and said that she would adopt Bailey. Well, that lasted maybe two months before she let me know that she couldn’t handle her because she kept messing all over the place and she was supposed to be housebroken (my sister is a topic for another day – no, it would probably take more than one post to completely describe her – I spoke about her some in my previous post. Let’s just say that she is irresponsible and indolent and I will leave it at that). Well, I couldn’t really take her back because my friend was like packing already for her move. So, what happened to Bailey? She has been safe and sound here with us. Funny thing is that since she’s been with us she uses the bathroom outside like she’s supposed to. I don’t know why she acted up with my sister. Maybe she didn’t want to be there or maybe they forgot (or were too lazy) to take her out and a dog is going to use it wherever if you don’t take them out. So there they were, the sisters happy to be back together and keeping me company. Until one day M- comes home with a surprise for me. “Go out to the truck and look. The surprise in on the front seat.” I go outside and what do I find in the front seat of the truck? Just one of the most unique and beautiful puppies I have ever seen. He even has this birthmark (or just a patch of coloring) that looks just like a mushroom. I wanted to name him Hongo or Hongito which means mushroom or little mushroom in Spanish. Of course M- thought that was a lame dog name and decided that he should be named Jefferson. His argument was that he was born in Jefferson county, so he should be named after his birthplace. He has now decided that if we ever get another dog, it should be named Lincoln or Washington. Notice the connection? Anyway, M-got his way and we named the puppy Jefferson. That was over two years ago and my “baby” is all grown up. He thinks that he is the “man” of the house when M- is not here. M- bought him thinking that he was a pit bull, but the vet says that he is actually an American Staffordshire Terrier. A cousin to the pit bull, he looks like one but is shorter and stockier and has a much better temperament than pit bulls are believed to have. Of course, to the insurance company he is still considered a pit bull and therefore either denied me coverage or wanted to charge an arm or a leg. Either way, he is part of my family and is not going anywhere. But, again, I am off subject. Jefferson is quite a sight. He has sort of taken over the house. He is convinced that he is still little and a lap dog (yeah, 70-something pounds of lap dog when you hurt doesn’t work out that well. But he has learned to be gentle with me. Whenever the pressure of dealing with chronic pain gets to be too much to handle and I cry, he comes over and tries to lick the tears off my face. I couldn’t have asked for a better companion. So, like I said, I am never REALLY alone. I have three little ones who keep me company, give me the strength to get out of bed on days that I’m sure I can’t, and never fail to make me laugh.

P.S. (well, not exactly p.s. but completely new subject) My surgery is tomorrow morning. The general surgeon decided to opt-out and leave me with a hernia because he believes that it would be more dangerous to fix it. “In the future if it ever becomes a problem we will deal with it then” (yeah, because it is so much easier to do a whole other surgery than to fix it before it becomes a problem, right? Am I the only one who doesn’t understand this way of thinking?). So, my surgery will consist of going in and seeing if it is possible to remove any of the adhesions to relieve some of my pain. If it is too “messy” in there, then he said that he won’t risk removing the adhesions, but will take plenty of pictures which will hopefully help to get me in to see an adhesion specialist later. He is also going to be removing a uterine polyp and injecting something into my pelvic floor to try to help with the pain. Can you believe I am still not really nervous? Maybe it will hit me when I wake up at 4:00 am to get ready to go and I can’t take anything for my nerves (figures, right?). To top it all off, M-‘s nerves have kicked in. He is scared shitless. I guess that just proves how much he loves me, huh? And, it makes me angry with my sister all over again. I’ll be asleep and won’t care if she’s there or not. But M- is going to be doing the waiting and the worrying all by himself. It’s just not right. Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know and depending on how surgery goes depends on how long it takes me to post again. So, wish me luck.

Family Frustrations

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I said to myself last night “Self, try to be more positive in your posts or write about something other than your pain.” I did actually start to write about something else, but since it was late, and my medicines were making me sleepy, I had to save it for another day. Something happened, however, and I feel like if I don’t vent about it to someone I will explode! Who better to vent to than the world to give myself some peace. Ok, so here goes. My sister, who only lives an hours drive away, who doesn’t work, is “unable” to come to my surgery on Wednesday. I mean WTF? Do you know what is more important than whether her sister lives or dies in surgery (note: I am just being dramatic here because I have tried to fill my mind with only good thoughts for the past week and I’m not worried about dying, complications maybe, but not dying). It is more important for her to take someone else’s child and his attorney to an interview with the police. Hello??? If it was a major deal, wouldn’t they go pick the kid up wherever he happens to be and he would have to talk to them right then and there (well, as soon as an attorney showed up). This has been going on for well over 2 weeks. First week the attorney was going to be out of town. So they rescheduled. Second week, the detective was going to be out of town. So they rescheduled for this Wednesday. I told her for sure on the date last week. She would have had plenty of time to reschedule again. However, we are talking about my sister here. The one who was too lazy to take a dog outside to shit and then got mad when she would shit inside (and this was a housebroken dog – I know because I’m the one who had to keep the dog when she “couldn’t handle her anymore”… It’s been 4 years and the dog has always gone to the bathroom outside unless you stay gone all day and are unable to TAKE HER OUTSIDE). I would bet (and I am not the betting kind) that she never even called to try to cancel the stupid appointment. Whether it be for laziness or just because she doesn’t want to go. Oh, and as if that wasn’t bad enough, she tells me that M- left the $20 (M-‘s boss owes) her son (but that the boss forgot about so M- is paying) on the table, so she would just text me her account number and I could deposit it for him. Who cares about $20 at a time like this? First of all, I know for sure that M- had that $20 when he left because I handed it to him as he was leaving because I felt too bad to go. Second, I know M- and I bet he just said that he didn’t have it because he is pissed that she isn’t going. He has never understood how she is the way she is with me. The first surgery I had after we started seeing each other, my sister came long enough for me to get out of surgery and then left (all while living AN HOUR AWAY). His family came from another country and stayed two weeks to make sure that I was ok before heading back home. See the difference? Anyway, I promise to have a more upbeat post next time, but geez – REALLY?

Shout-outs and Rantings

After another long, excruciating day of double doctors appointments that lasted close to three hours each, I am tuckered out. My energy level on a scale of 1-10 is about a 2 right now; I have just enough strength to go to the bathroom and to open the door for the dogs to go out. This is exactly how I felt when I got back from my trip. The difference is that at least in the car I had my big gel/foam cushion and at doctors offices you get some of the most uncomfortable chairs in the world (well, at least for adhesion sufferers they are. They might be ok for a “normal” person.). Now that I think about it, the most uncomfortable chairs were at the appointment that wasn’t medically related. They had straight back solid wood chairs, obviously with no cushioning because they were SOLID WOOD. Luckily including wait time the appointment took about 45 minutes. Anyway, I think the week has just built up on me. Monday- two different Drs. appointments. Tuesday- two appointments (at least one wasn’t medically related 🙂 ). Wednesday- I got to stay home and rest. Thursday (yesterday)- I had pre-op blood-work and papers to sign (you know the ones that say that you are completely aware of the risks and know that there is the chance of death either while on the operating table or after – lol (you know the saying that when you go to buy a house or a car you sign so many papers and you’ll be paying for so long you say “ok, I’m about to sign my life away” – that’s what I was thinking when I was getting on the elevator lol! -hey at least I can laugh about this stuff) and I also had to see my pain management doctor to tell “him” that the procedure never worked (I say “him” because I only saw the doctor on my first visit and i see him when I’m goofy from sedation going into the procedure room – normally I see a nurse practitioner and she runs everything by him). So, after one VERY long week I am now officially POOPED!

I have written before about the fact that I have adhesions. I even did an information page-post (still haven’t figured out the difference between those-feel free to comment and tell me) about it. Well, all you fibromyalgia sufferers, I now why my symptoms so closely relate to yours. I think I have fibromyalgia. All of the symptoms fit. Also, it turns out that “adhesions” isn’t a diagnosis. They are a lot of what is wrong with me, but according to the CDC, “adhesions” is not listed as a “disease or condition” while fibromyalgia is. So, I checked on the diagnosis that my pelvic pain specialist // ob/gyn has for me and it says “729.2 neuralgia, neuritis, and radiculitis unspecified” which is basically hurt/damaged nerves and “307.9 abdominal wall or pelvic floor myofacial syndrome.” The number basically means “unknown” but the description “myofacial syndrome” is muscle pain. So, put it all together and it equals to Fibromyalgia. Now I’m trying to decide if it’s worth it to get an appointment with a rheumatologist or not. Of my readers with fibromyalgia, how many of you were diagnosed by your primary care physician and how many of you had to go to a rheumatologist?

I also found another adhesion sufferer thanks to this blog site. That makes a grand total of 2. At least I know that there are others like me who understand the myriad of pain that adhesions cause. Reading their blogs just gives me confirmation that what I’m feeling is real. That is why I wanted to start this blog in the first place. To find others like me who understand since so much of the world doesn’t. I am so glad that I joined this site and have had the opportunity to meet such great people. So, it’s shout out time. My new adhesion sister’s blog is Life With Adhesions. My adhesion twin can be found at Spicyt’s Blog. My “WordPress friend” who has turned into a real friend, been there to listen to me vent, and given me some good advice is at Painful Hilarity. Last but not least is a guy who gives me a daily dose of laughter with his musings (which everyone knows is good for your health and good for the soul) can be found at Humans Are Wierd. Take a few minutes out of your day to check them out.

Updates

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Image from: http://alphamom.com/

I have just finished reading the book, How to Be Sick by Toni Bernhard; the one that I mentioned in my previous blog. I am by no means a literary critic, but I just wanted to say that I was not disappointed by the book. It does have a lot of Buddhist teachings, but it also has a lot of GREAT advice for people who are chronically ill. It teaches you how to see your situation differently when all you can see is your pain/ fatigue/ failures. It also teaches you how to communicate better with the people around you. Not everyone wants to hear about my illness. For the purpose of this blog, which is to talk about my illness and let others know that they are not alone in their suffering, “sick talk” will continue. I will, however, be more careful about sharing with others. Maybe that’s where my family and friends (the few I had) have gone. They could be afraid that if they tell me about all the fun they’re having in their lives I’ll be sad or maybe they just get tired of hearing about me. I don’t remember being that self-centered, but maybe I was. I do know that I will be more careful about what I say in the future and to whom I say it.

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M- and I have worked out our issues. Turned out that all the remarks about being a “pillhead” and “being in my own little bubble” were because he thought that I didn’t need to take the medications I take. He thought that if they didn’t completely get rid of the pain then I had to be taking them to get high. We had a VERY serious discussion and turns out that all he needed was an attitude adjustment and to read the very same information that I re-posted from edsinfo at edsinfo.wordpress.com about false perceptions about opiates. Honestly, I was hurt to the very core that my best friend and partner in this world doubted me and my illness, especially after being so supportive for all these years. I understand that as a caretaker it has to be terrible for him to see me everyday and know that there is nothing that he can do to help me get better. But to then take those frustrations out on me and to doubt me… I say that we have worked out our issues, but only time will tell and honestly, for things to be completely fixed, he will have to prove himself to me again.

I will definitely be having surgery on August 28. I don’t know if the hernia will be repaired or not. The surgeon didn’t seem to want to risk operating (like I haven’t heard that one before) and he said that he would let me know after he looks at the CT. I didn’t hear anything from him yesterday or today so it looks like I have been blown off by another doctor. Oh well, if he shows up on the 28th that will be great. If not and that hernia gets blocked and I have to have emergency surgery later – let’s just say I won’t be too happy and this time I will call a lawyer. Either way, my pelvic pain specialist (the one doctor that has been there with me with understanding and support through all of this) will be doing surgery to see if there is anything that can be done about the adhesions. I am praying that he will be willing to cut some of them, if not all of them. I know that he is tentative about this surgery in the first place and that it could turn out to be pretty messy, but I am hoping for some relief! I am aware of the risks, but to me the risks are worth having a life again! If only 50% of the pain were to improve I believe it would be worth it (although I am hoping for 100% and realize that I am probably looking at 0% if the doctor decides it’s too dangerous to do the lysis – cutting). I would love nothing more than to be off of the medication, and out of the bed. Hey, even out of the bed would be good enough. It gets lonely and boring in bed all day. But, some things I learned from the book I just read: 1) if the surgery is meant to help with my pain, it will help. If it is not meant to help with my pain, it won’t. Que será- será. 2) being at home isn’t all bad, and there is a difference between loneliness and solitude. I can now appreciate getting to spend time with my “babies” (the dogs) and having time to read a good book or two. 🙂

Please feel free to leave comments!

Clear My Mind?

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Image from: http://teachmelife.wordpress.com/

I am in the process of reading How to Be Sick by Toni Bernhard. So far, it has motivated me to evaluate my emotions and the way that I see things. On the other hand, the book is inspired by Buddhism and the whole concept of meditation is foreign to me. I have tried before to clear my mind or not think about something. Of course, if you try NOT to think about something, you probably WILL think of whatever it is you’re trying NOT to think about. Perhaps this will all make better since by the time I finish the book, but so far I find myself completely and utterly perplexed. I am reminded of my sister-in-law telling me that if I hurt to just tell myself I don’t hurt. It doesn’t work like that, at least not for me.

As a Christian we are taught to “leave it to God” and he will handle it. That is another concept that has always evaded me. I understand that if you have faith, you should be able to do this, and I am a “believer” but to me it almost seems synonymous to saying ” don’t worry about it now, worry about it later.” I know that I have said on more than one occasion “God, I can’t handle this anymore so I’m leaving it in your hands” but either the situation is still there or it comes back up and you are left to face it. When I hurt, I can pray until I’m blue in the face for the pain to go away, but it doesn’t. I can pray for my life back, or even just a small piece of the life I once had, but I’m still here, still in bed and still hurting.

Image from: http://teachmelife.wordpress.com/

Do any of you have any thoughts on this? I am trying really hard to come to terms with the fact that this is my life now. There is no cure, barely any treatment, and I find myself with tears, now habitually, flowing. I just want to find some peace within myself and I don’t know how to get there. I have heard good things about this book and still have high hopes, but I am afraid that all of this wisdom will be lost on a dummy who can’t control her life, her health, or her emotions, much less her own thoughts.

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Road Trip

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image from: http://georgekelley.org/

Last week I took a road trip. Did I want to take a road trip, hell no, because it was from Alabama to Michigan. Yes, my friends, over 12 hours in a car for a person with chronic pelvic pain. NOT FUN. However, the reason we were going was important so I tightened up my proverbial boot straps, bought a 4 inch gel/foam cushion and a travel pillow, took a deep breath and we were off to see my in-laws. Now, most of you are probably thinking “I would be more upset about seeing the in-laws than the ride there.” I however am one of the lucky ones who is loved by my in-laws and the feeling is mutual. I don’t have a large family, so I loved the fact that I was adopted right in. Maybe it had something to do with M- getting his shit in order around the same time we started seeing each other (before me he was one of those who went to the bar every night just because he was bored- his last girlfriend before me was actually a stripper if that helps you get the gist of it) but, for whatever reason, his family and I hit it off famously. Now, he comes from a family of 10 brothers and sisters. One died about 12 years ago, but that still leaves him with 9 siblings and a bus full of nieces and nephews. BIG family! Two siblings and their kids live here in the states and everyone else lives in Mexico. His mom, dad, and one brother came up for one of my surgeries (the first surgery after we got together but I think it was actually surgery number six for me) because she wanted to help out. They stayed two weeks and it was great having someone take care of me again! I completely fell in love with his mom and dad during those two weeks – and they with me. When I went to Mexico in 2009 to visit, my trip went from the planned two weeks to a whole month because his mom wanted to make sure I met all his brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, and got to see as much of Mexico as possible – and I saw a lot! While in Mexico City to see the Basilica, we had the afternoon free to do whatever until the mass that night. I requested to see the national museum, but no – his dad had the whole family running around downtown and through the “mercados” to find the bridal shop because he wanted to show me the dresses. How sweet is that? He loved me so much!

This past December his father died. He was very old, but for the most part healthy and his death was unexpected. Neither us nor his sister in Michigan were able to get away to go to the funeral. Because of this, his sister decided to have a mass for her father in Michigan. That was the reason for the road trip. His mother, three sisters, and a nephew came up from Mexico to visit for a week and go to the mass. Hence, road trip.

Don’t get me wrong, I was excited to see the family, but I knew it was going to be painful – and it was – in more ways than one. As any of you with chronic pain know, you hurt worse when you are stressed. Let me throw this one piece of information in so that you can better understand everything. M- has a very short fuse. He will get worked up about anything and everything and 20 minutes later it’s over and forgotten. I don’t quite work that way. I am pretty laid back until you do enough things to piss me off. Kinda like the straw that broke the camel’s back. Well, at this point I’m the camel and my back is damn near close to breaking… So, we were supposed to leave on Friday but he hadn’t gotten paid yet. He told me he thought he would be at a stopping place at his job on Monday (usually he underestimates time – like saying he’ll get a job done in a day and it takes a week – I’m used to it) and we could go then. Well, I was unable to go ahead and pack because I needed a suitcase (it would take a whole other post to explain what happened to my old suitcase, so we’ll just skip that part for now) and how can one pack without a suitcase? Well, he comes walking in the door around 9:30 Monday morning saying that we have to leave by 12:00 noon. ??? We still had to go to the bank, cash the check, go buy me a suitcase, get the oil changed in the car, and pack for ourselves and three dogs!

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Image from: http://www.valleyoakveterinarycenter.com/education/blog/five-tips-for-ensuring-a-fun-safe-road-trip-with-dogs

Oh, did I mention that when he’s in a hurry he gets very snappy? So we are running around like two chickens with our heads cut off to try to get everything done in 2 1/2 hours – impossible. We left here at 2:00 pm with him bitching about when we would get there, me trying to get comfortable and ignore his bitching, and one dog so nervous about the car ride that I actually had to sedate him to get him to stop shaking, whining, and drooling. The only ones that were enjoying the ride were my two girl dogs who love car trips. I got him to agree to let me drive for a while because it had been “long enough” since I had taken my meds and I had a good three hours before I would have to take them again. So, I drove for three hours and he slept (thank God!) and when it was time for me to take my meds, he resumed as driver. Between stops for gas, food, and bathroom breaks for the dogs and for me (of course my stomach was acting up) the twelve hour drive (and that’s counting gas stops) ended up taking us 14 hours. We got to the hotel at 4:00 am, checked in, and passed out.

The next day, his sister picked us up and everyone went out to eat. Then, we went to a farmers market for a few things, and to a grocery store for the rest before going back to her house for the evening. I guess we left there about 10:00 pm and got to bed around 11:00pm. Next day was shopping. M- hates shopping. Whenever possible I try to go without him because after 10 minutes he’s ready to go. I suggested that he spend the morning at the hotel resting and he agreed – until the next morning. He said he hadn’t come all this way to spend time with his mother just to sit at the hotel, so he promised to behave and he came along. We drove over an hour to an AMAZING outlet mall. I enjoyed the first 30 minutes until the bitching started. He was “ready to go”, “are we done yet?”, he “hungry”, his “back hurt”, he “starving”, and no I couldn’t stop and look at that store because I had “already bought something you needed, didn’t you?” He was driving me crazy! We spent all morning there and when we left I was ready to strangle someone (preferably him) . I was so stressed out, hurting, and limping from my knee (I found out that it is a “complete bucket handle type tear of the lateral meniscus which has flipped centrally and anteriorly” nice job, huh?) that I was actually relieved to be leaving. Then, I get told that we are stopping at another mall. Seriously? We ate lunch before splitting up and agreeing to meet in a couple of hours. I wish we had done that at the outlets too, but oh well. After leaving there we finally went back to his sisters house. I was asked a few times during the day what was wrong (apparently I was too exhausted and hurting too badly to do a good “happy face”) and I would just say that I was hurting or that I was tired from the trip. One of his sisters asked me later that evening if I was ok and I told her yes, that I was just tired and hurting a little. Do you know what she said to me? You’ll never guess. She tells me that I am just too negative. That when I hurt, I need to convince myself mentally that I’m not really hurting and that will bring me much more peace…*crickets chirping in the background as my jaw drops to the floor*…and I tell her “thank you for the advice I’ll work on that”. ??? REALLY ??? His mom wanted to know what was going on so I told her. In general, I am a very transparent person (which is why you could probably see the pain and frustration in my face) but we have always been very close and I’m comfortable talking with her. I also wanted her to know how much she means to me in case M- leaves me. He has recently said on more than one occasion that he has about had enough (of the house never being clean because I don’t have the energy to do it and of me always playing “poor pitiful me”) and should probably just leave. I say if he feels that way he’s free to go because I didn’t ask to be sick and I do the best I can. An hour later, though he says that he didn’t mean it and he loves me and I should know that he’ll never leave. Anyway, she told me she completely understood because his father was the exact same way, short fuse and all, and that his brothers are like that too. She told me not to worry that he has told her many times that he knows he made the right decision with me and that he loves me.

The next day M- was nice enough to let me sleep in while he went to his sister’s for breakfast. After breakfast when he came back he was livid. He said that his mother told him that he had better treat me right or leave because you never know if he made me mad enough one day I could snap and kill him or something (she has always been one to exaggerate things). She chose to say this, however, at the breakfast table with everyone around and so then they start talking about how different I am now than before. Of course I’m different! Before things got this bad I was a very happy-go-lucky joke around with you kind of person. Even now I have a good sense of humor and am quite the smartass when it’s time to play around. But I had just pushed my body and my emotions way past the limit and it was all I could do to even sit there and talk with them all with a fake smile on my face. Did none of them understand that? Well, it wouldn’t have been a big deal if M- hadn’t come back to the hotel telling me how I had really screwed things up with his mother, that now she hates me and thinks that I’m some kind of psychotic killer. So, he comes to pick me up well, not too happy (basically he was mad that he got in trouble with his mom for being a jerk) and was taking it out on me. Now, since I didn’t have the whole story at the time, I freaked out. I cried and cried and asked him why he didn’t defend me and that they all knew me better than that. Instead of trying to comfort me, he through gas on the fire and said “well, if you didn’t screw up I wouldn’t have to defend you for anything – and quit crying, God you are such a drama queen”. I spent the next hour outside the hotel room bawling my eyes out and then told myself “I have two more days here. I will talk to his mom and make sure things are ok and that’s all I can do.” I didn’t have the physical or emotional strength to do anything else. So I talked to his mom to make sure she didn’t think that I was some kind of psychotic killer. She laughed and said that she had just been trying to straighten him out *mental note to self not to get mom involved in “talking” to him anymore because its not worth the drama* and she gave me a big hug.

The rest of that day and the next just passed by in a haze. I was so emotionally raw and physically exhausted that it was the best I could do. On the trip home M- refused to let me drive (because he is too damn proud for his own good) so the 12 hour trip turned into 17 hours because he had to stop twice to take a nap. The next three days I spent in bed because my body refused to cooperate with me. I am feeling a little better now. I had a nice long talk with my psychologist about M- and she made sure I understood that the problems aren’t “all in my head” and that I am not a “pillhead” like he had kept telling me and she reminded me that it’s not my fault that I’m sick. So, here is where things stand. I am sick and it’s not my fault. I have good days and bad days. When I am able to work around the house I will and if I don’t have the strength or if I’m hurting too bad I won’t. If M- doesn’t like the way things are, he can do the chores himself or he can hire someone to help me clean and do laundry. If not, then he can leave. Whatever has shifted things from him being a loving, caring, understanding person into Mr. Hyde is something that he will have to work out. I am sick and this is my life now. I have had to accept that (and yes, I still have trouble sometimes accepting it) and now he will have to accept it too. If he isn’t able to accept it, then so be it. That’s his problem not mine. And no, I definitely will not be taking any more trips anytime soon. Damn road trip!

Please feel free to leaves comments, suggestions, or advice on any of my posts.

Now offering a side of knee pain

So, my dear friends, to add icing to the cake, I found out on Friday that I have a completely torn lateral meniscus in my right knee. Who knew? My sister-in-law had one once (hers wasn’t a complete tear) and she said that it is terribly painful. The doctor sent me to physical therapy when I told him it was bothering me, but now he wants me to see an orthopedic doctor. Seriously?

This all started about six weeks ago. I stood up from bed and my knee went “pop”. Let me add here that since we are remodeling the house, the bed is not on a frame; it’s just the mattress and box springs on the floor, so it is a little bit lower than normal. I guess you could say that I stood up from a semi-squatting position. Anyway, so my knee popped and hurt like hell when it did, but the pain got better in a couple of hours. It did swell up and make me limp for about a week, but that got better so I was thinking that if I gave it enough time it would heal. This happened once before on vacation in 2009 that I stood up from a squatting position and it popped, but within the week it was better. So there I was thinking that it would just get better on its own like before…wrong! After about a month of it still bothering me, and I still wasn’t walking quite right, I started to think that maybe I had better get it checked out. Since I am on pain medication daily for the chronic adhesion pain maybe it was downplaying the pain in my knee too. So off I go to the GP (a new one by the way which so far I am liking much better than the other) and he orders the physical therapy and an MRI. The next day after the MRI he emails me to let me know that I have a tear in the lateral meniscus and he wants me to see an orthopedic doctor. Well, since I had no clue what a meniscus was, what else can I do but google it. Oh boy! As if that wasn’t bad enough, the nurse calls to make sure that I had gotten the message and answer any questions. I wanted to know “really, how bad is it? What does the MRI report say?” So she tells me that the report claims that I have a “complete bucket tear in the lateral meniscus”. So then I look that up. From what I saw it doesn’t look very good! I guess we’ll see what the orthopedic doctor says when I get in to see him. My sister-in-law had to have surgery on her incomplete tear. Have any of you guys had this or know someone who has? Am I really looking at surgery for this? Please comment and let me know. Heck, maybe they could do all three surgeries the same day instead of just the two. Talk about recoup time!

P.S. Update. I have a complete lateral bucket handle type tear of the right meniscus.

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False Perceptions about Opiates and the Surprising Reality

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Image from:
http://sparkphysio.blogspot.com/

I am reposting this information about opiate medications for others who are either made to feel bad for taking medication or maybe have some preconceived notions themselves. Thank you to edsinfo for the information!

False Perceptions about Opiates and the Surprising Reality.