Bye Happy Joy

So, happy Joy didn’t last very long…as usual. I’m so frustrated. So tired of having no support system. Tired of being made to feel like I’m worthless and some kind of druggie because I am sick and have to take medication. I woke up this morning to a barrage of insults about how nothing is ever done around the house…about how I just stay in my room (hell yeah! It’s the only room with AC) and take medications and smoke cigarettes. How can he say anything when he smokes and takes medications? How is it possible that he doesn’t understand that I didn’t choose to be sick? I didn’t choose to have to take medications, and I didn’t choose this life. All of this was chosen for me by a higher power.

So, as of now I have adhesions, fibromyalgia, prediabetes, hypoparathyroidism, and now hypothyroidism. It seems my body is attacking itself. The first to go was my thyroid. What will be next? Hopefully the rheumatologist will be able to figure out what kind of autoimmune thing is going on when I see him next week. But all in all it really doesn’t matter. I will still be seen as a lazy, good for nothing druggie. Sometimes I wonder how different my life and illness would be if I had a support system and less drama. I think it’s time for another trip to my sister’s. I really don’t want to be around any of this right now. I shouldn’t have to put up with someone trying to judge me and insulting me.

The Cherry on Top

I had an appointment with my endocrinologist the other day. I see him for prediabetes and hypoparathyroidism (extremely low Vitamin D deficiency). We make time for each other every 6 months where he checks my bloodwork (that I get done 1 week before my appointment), tells me everything’s looking good, and then I go home. Well, that’s the way it has been the past year…

Monday, however, was unfortunately not my usual easy appointment. He takes a look at the test results, and circles something before continuing down the list. At that point I was thinking to myself that maybe my Vitamin D levels were off again or maybe it was my A1C and I should be checking my blood sugar more often.

Well, imagine my surprise when he asks me if I’ve been taking my thyroid medicine! I was like, WAIT…you never prescribed me any thyroid medicine because you said that my thyroid has always checked out. Turns out that what he had circled was the results of the thyroid test. He checked back at the past labs before saying, “yes- you’re right. Before the levels were always normal. Today, however, it seems that your thyroid is not functioning anymore.”

WHAT? That was the last thing I expected to hear. So he checked my neck (where the thyroid glands are) and said that they were swollen. I had actually noticed that the area had been sore for a while, but I assumed it was because I smoke, or maybe because I was getting sick…not realizing that I never came down with anything.

The thyroid gland controls the way your body uses energy, like your metabolism. The symptoms of hypothyroidism (not producing enough thyroid hormones) are a lot like those for fibromyalgia. Low energy levels, tiredness, weakness, trouble dealing with cold temperatures, and memory problems (or trouble thinking clearly). So I assumed those were all because of the Fibro. Also, it can cause dry hair, dry skin, constipation, and hair loss. I assumed the dry hair and skin was just a byproduct of the extreme colds this winter and I deal with constipation because of the adhesions and pain medications. The hair loss I didn’t really think much about because I have really thick hair and always shed. So see, there was no symptom that was really out of the ordinary for me. Add to all this the fact that when something is wrong I can usually tell, but then it is a matter of getting a doctor to agree with me. It’s sad that things are that way, but it’s true. I forget sometimes that I have composed a great team of doctors (the jury is still out on my GP, though lol) and don’t really have to worry about that anymore.

Suffice it to say that I was STUNNED that something is wrong with me and I didn’t realize it. It also bothers me that the inflammation has caused permanent damage to my thyroid and I will now have to take thyroid replacement medication for the rest of my life. I mean, it’s not like I didn’t already have a laundry list full of different diagnosis…now I have one more that will follow me around. One more invisible illness to have to manage.

So yeah, when the doctor told me all of this, I said “well isn’t that just the cherry on top?” One more thing to have to deal with. I am, however, looking forward to the fact that once the thyroid levels are regulated I may get a little bit of energy back. I really miss having energy! What I am not looking forward to are the doctors appointments every two months until we find the right dose of medication or the new pill I will have to take every day. At this point, all I can do is look forward to the sweetness of that cherry instead of the hard pit in the middle.

I’m Back!

I suppose it’s time for me to write a new post. I know that it has been a while and that many of you have been worried about me. I am truly sorry for any of you who have worried. My life…mostly my personal life…has been a wreck for a while now. For that reason I needed some time away from blogging to think about things and to process what I’ve been through. I am very sorry, but I still am not ready to touch on that subject in any more detail than I already have.

Health-wise I suppose I have been doing ok. The emotional stress that I have been through has been challenging and has of course taken somewhat of a toll on my physical well-being. However, I suppose that all in all I am doing well. I stopped taking the Lyrica and I am now taking a medication called Gralise which is an extended release version of gabapentin. At first I was worried about side effects since many of you have had trouble taking gabapentin, but so far I have been doing well with it. It is helping much more than the Lyrica and after a month I still haven’t noticed any side effects. I have however been having a lot of trouble with my teeth. I went undiagnosed for a very long time with hypoparathyroidism which broken down in simple terms is an extreme deficiency of Vitamin D. That deficiency causes the body to actually take calcium from the teeth and bones for use elsewhere. I have been on a huge dose of Vitamin D which has helped to regulate the parathyroid gland, but since it went undiagnosed for so long my teeth have really taken a beating.  I have several teeth that have broken off at the gum line and others that are on their way to doing the same.  Although I have medical insurance, I don’t have dental insurance.  So, getting my teeth taken out and dentures made (which makes me sick to have to do at my age) just isn’t on the table right now. The cost is very high and I have more things that I need to worry about right now. The problem with that is that I am in extreme pain from the exposed nerves in my mouth.

I have an appointment with pain management today and I will hopefully be able to explain all of this to them. Hopefully together we can come up with some plan to manage the pain until I can save up the money to have the dental work done.  It’s strange that my mouth hurts more right now than the pain from the adhesions and/or fibro.  I will try to keep writing and let you all know how everything goes, but I am still not ready to write every day.  I do however promise to do my best to not only get back  to writing, but to go back and read everyone’s posts that I have missed out on. I still have them all in my inbox just waiting to be read.  You have all been so supportive of me since I started this blog and I am sorry that I haven’t been around to be equally supportive to all of you.