It’s All In My Head…

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Yesterday morning, my left foot was half-asleep. I stood up anyway and started to walk off, but my left foot decided that it didn’t want to move. I ended up falling and breaking my foot. At first, I thought that I had just sprained it, or pulled something in it, but after an excruciating morning, I finally called the doctor to see if they could fit me in. By then my foot was swollen, red, black, and blue.

The doctor took X-rays and determined that I had broken the fifth metatarsal…right in the middle of my foot. He sent me to the first orthopedist he could find that could see me the same day (who just happened to be the orthopedist who just recently had done surgery on the doctor’s shoulder…talk about a good reference!). I went early to the orthopedist because I had never been there before and I knew there would be paperwork to fill out and just like most chronically ill patients, paperwork is like writing a book. It took me about an hour to fill everything out.

The orthopedist took a look at the copy of the x-ray from the other doctor and suggested that I wear a boot for a couple of months. The only time I can take it off is when I shower. I suppose because of the swelling, my foot started hurting worse after the boot was on for a while. I have to go back to the ortho in two weeks to have my foot x-rayed again to make sure that it is healing.

Here is my problem…the pain medication that I am on was taking care of my everyday adhesion and fibro pain, but it is not touching the pain I feel in my foot. I am going to talk to my pain management doctor today to see if I can get something stronger for a week or so. This morning I mentioned that my foot really hurts and M says to me “It’s all in your head, Joy”. REALLY!?! I even asked him “did you really just say that to me?” and his response was “well my back hurts everyday. You are choosing to feel the pain.” REALLY!?! So apparently the pain in my foot is all in my head. It has nothing to do with the fact that I have a broken bone and that I am having to walk around on said broken bone.

One of the worst things that you can ever say to a person in pain is that it is all in their heads. What we need to hear is that you believe us. I mean, of all the hateful, inconsiderate things to say! I am angry right now. Very angry. He is not doing a good job of making up for his disregard of my birthday. Once again, I am seriously doubting if this is a relationship that is worth pursuing.

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37 thoughts on “It’s All In My Head…

  1. Wow – the dreaded “it’s all in your head” statement indicates a troubling mindset. Hearing that, especially from someone who has known you a while, is a very bad sign – especially when it is followed by justification, not apology. That’s the most troubling aspect to me.

    When people close enough to us to know better start comparing their normal aches & pains to our chronic pain, it shows a complete lack of understanding – or lack of willingness to understand. Permanent undeserved pain is an ugly reminder of life’s randomness and many people need to believe they could prevent this from happening to themselves too. They need to believe it’s something we have control over.

    M is essentially saying that you are deliberately allowing and expressing pain that you could control if you wanted to. That’s a pretty serious accusation, isn’t it?

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    • That’s how I took it, yes. I’m used to him comparing pain with me, but he has never had the audacity to tell me that it’s all in my head. If it were said about the Fibro or adhesions, the things you can’t see, it would be one thing. But to say it about an injury just shocked the hell out of me. Not even a doctor would tell you it’s in your head when it’s an injury. I’m just shocked right now. Shocked and livid that he would say such a thing.

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  2. I hurt, and I’m so grumpy grouchy right now that if someone said something stupid like “It’s all in your head”, I’d be biting OFF their head, right now. As in “Feel my verbal assault of PAIN, you boorish clod!”

    I can’t get my muscle relaxant refilled because the office staff at the pain center won’t respond to the pharmacy request, and the topical anti-inflammatory script expired because I can’t afford it. So no, I can’t put up with that sort of horseshit.

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      • *nod* I choose (heh, I said “choose”) not to be too surprised, however, because I’ve seen and heard people say ignorant things like this way too often. So many people just don’t understand what they haven’t lived, and a number of those folks tend to blurt out their misunderstanding. Our society isn’t doing a terribly fantastic job of teaching empathy.

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          • Indeed! I suspect, however, that no one has taught him how. Yet you aren’t the one that should need to teach him, however, it should have been parents, school teachers, and so on.

            Stereotypically, we guys are bad at reading minds, so if you haven’t told him this plainly yet, I suggest that you do so. What he says next, I think, will tell you more whether your relationship with him is worth more work.

            Your mileage may vary, as always (depending on road conditions and driving style 😉 ) but those are my observations. Feel free to consider them as you wish, and I hope things will improve.

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          • Thanks for the advice Jak. We’ll see how things are when I see him later. Maybe it’s time for a big talk. I don’t expect him to read my mind, I just expect him not to be so stupid!

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          • Oh, of course, but I’ve found over and over again that I have to be very clear with what I want. I’d say that it seems to be more true with us guys especially, but I’m not sure if that stereotype truly holds anymore.

            Cimmy and I got a LOT of mileage out of John Gray’s “Mars and Venus” books, but, that, I think, was largely because we were both willing to discuss it all. I wish you the best in hashing things out.

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  3. Wow, I fully support your anger! I have had people say things like that about my fibro pain, but a broken bone?? That doesn’t even make sense. The fibro is invisible, but you’ve got an X-ray and everything 🙂 I hope your foot feels better soon! Think positively…look how stylish you look in that boot!

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  4. Ow! I’m so sorry that you broke your foot but talk about adding insult to injury! Sorry you had to hear that from someone close. No one should invalidate your pain and your experiences. Hope talking it out helps! Good luck with the boot!

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    • Thank you for your concern. I really don’t know if talking it out will work. So far I have just been told that I am a drug addict and need “help”. That’s funny since I take all of my medicines EXACTLY like I am supposed to take them. I just do’t know if this is going to work. I need someone to be a support system, not a critic.

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  5. Sorry about your foot. That’s a real bummer, like you needed that on top of everything else! I would be pissed too, about the “it’s in your head,” comment. What I would want to do is take a hammer, smash his foot and then, “quit her griping, it’s all in your head!” GRRRRR!

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    • I know! But at first I didn’t think it was broken and walked around on it all morning. It wasn’t until it started to swell up and the bruising started to show that I knew it was something more. I was able to get into my doctor’s office the same day. Even luckier than that was that I was able to get in with an orthopedic same day. God was looking out for me for sure.

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  6. Hope you heal soon. With people who don’t understand you, try what I did..Lose them from your life..Feck them, it’s your life, live it the way you want. Don’t lower yourself (As I did) to the demands of people who say they love you or like you who don’t care… Worked for me.. x

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    • He is insensitive. He is also sorely mistaken about how pain medications work. Yes, they help take the edge off the pain, but the human body NEEDS to feel pain or else we can injure it worse. He just has no idea.

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  7. First off, I am so sorry to hear that you broke your foot. I hope it is doing better. Second M saying that it is in your head was very insensitive. Maybe you should break his foot and let him see how it feels. That was like my own doctor telling me that my morning sickness, (and my all day sickness) was all in my head when I was pregnant with both of my children. I could have slapped him silly! Would you like me to puke on your floor sir? I really hope you are getting along okay. As always prayers sent your way.

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    • That’s what I told him. “Let’s see you break a bone and it not hurt”. My foot is doing better. The swelling has gone down and so has the bruising (it is now a beautiful shade of puke green lol). The doctor took x-rays yesterday and said that it is healing like it should, but I still have to wear the boot for another month. I can however, start putting more weight on it, so I have started taking the boot off to sleep. You know you sleep so much better without a five pound weight on your foot lol. As always, thank you for your prayers.

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      • If it is turning green, I think that is a good sign it is healing. I can’t imagine trying to sleep in one of those boots, but they do help out a lot I guess. My Mom had to wear one for awhile after some foot surgery and she had to keep it on all the time for awhile. Even while showering and sleeping. That was not a good thing. She was very glad to get it off. 🙂

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