Bye Happy Joy

So, happy Joy didn’t last very long…as usual. I’m so frustrated. So tired of having no support system. Tired of being made to feel like I’m worthless and some kind of druggie because I am sick and have to take medication. I woke up this morning to a barrage of insults about how nothing is ever done around the house…about how I just stay in my room (hell yeah! It’s the only room with AC) and take medications and smoke cigarettes. How can he say anything when he smokes and takes medications? How is it possible that he doesn’t understand that I didn’t choose to be sick? I didn’t choose to have to take medications, and I didn’t choose this life. All of this was chosen for me by a higher power.

So, as of now I have adhesions, fibromyalgia, prediabetes, hypoparathyroidism, and now hypothyroidism. It seems my body is attacking itself. The first to go was my thyroid. What will be next? Hopefully the rheumatologist will be able to figure out what kind of autoimmune thing is going on when I see him next week. But all in all it really doesn’t matter. I will still be seen as a lazy, good for nothing druggie. Sometimes I wonder how different my life and illness would be if I had a support system and less drama. I think it’s time for another trip to my sister’s. I really don’t want to be around any of this right now. I shouldn’t have to put up with someone trying to judge me and insulting me.

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21 thoughts on “Bye Happy Joy

  1. Sorry you’re so frustrated and tired of everything, it must be really hard without a support system. Hope the rheum can figure out whats going on!x

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    • It is hard. All I really have is my therapist, but no one else close to me. Of course I have my online friends, but it’s not quite the same as having someone close. I hope the rheumy can figure it out too before it starts to affect other organs…that’s the last thing I need!

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      • I kind of get that feeling, I have my family but I don’t really talk to them about this sort of stuff other than that all I have is my therapist too. Don’t really have any friends anymore, they all ditched me.

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        • Well, you’ve got great online friends (like me!) who are there for you. But it’s not the same. Is your family supportive? Even though you don’t really talk to them about things, I’m sure they know about the headache. Are they supportive?

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          • Thanks, same to you! My family is very supportive, which is great, though I don’t really talk to them about how I’m feeling because of the pain, mainly just tell them when the pain is bad etc, find it hard talking to them about my feelings as I don’t like to worry them. But they are very supportive.

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          • That’s great. I can see how it would be hard talking to them, but at least they don’t imply that you’re faking or call you names. That is what gets hard…and stressful. Then the pain gets worse.

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  2. I think it’s totally insensitive! With the amount of illnesses you are dealing with, you are extremely strong to even wake up in the morning. I think you should go to your sister, take a break from that drama. Not having a good support system is awful, and being disappointed by people who are suppose to be close to you is worse. I hope you will find love and support from your sister. Hugs!

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    • Thank you so much for saying that. It’s true though. Even after being told by my doctors that this is real he still doesn’t get it. He made a comment just now that “how is it that you take pain medication and claim that you still aren’t able to function?”I told him that the pain medicines are what keep me from being in bed, writhing in pain, crying and throwing up from the pain. He just seriously doesn’t get it. So thank you so much for getting it…for understanding. I’m leaving today for my sister’s. Even my therapist told me to get out of here before things escalate even more. I hope to come back on Friday. Hopefully by then things will have calmed down enough that I can do the things that I need to do here. Hugs right back at you my virtual niece!

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  3. Aww…I”m so sorry you are struggling so. Some people just want to view us as hypochondriacs. My hubby sometimes has a hard time with it but he does support me. I’m facing my second knee replacement and I know he’s dreading it, probably more than I am. I feel like I’m always complaining about something but one thing I do know is that I have friends in different forums that understand. BIG HUGS to you Joy.

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  4. Hi, Joy, I’m so sorry “he” is being like this to you! My husband used to attack me in the same way. We finally went to counseling and after awhile we found happiness. Have you tried marriage counseling? Seems like he is the pot calling the kettle black, isn’t he?! I KNOW how much it hurts as I was a victim myself. I think it’s a good idea for you to see your sister. Is she close by? Is she supportive? Are other family members near you either physically or emotionally? I will pray that things get better. Sometimes the emotional pain is harder to bear than the physical pain!

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    • I totally agree with your last statement. Bruises heal, but words burn themselves into your brain and really hurt your own beliefs about yourself. I have tried to get him to go to therapy with me like a “family” session, but he refuses to go. He says that he doesn’t believe in therapists, whatever that means. My sister only lives an hour away, so the trip isn’t too hard on me. She is more supportive since she is disabled also. Other than her (and my niece when she’s visiting) the rest of my family lives farther away. I don’t see them or talk to them enough to know if they really understand my illness. At least I’ve got her to run to when I need time away.

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  5. You’re right — you shouldn’t have to deal with being berated. I live alone, and I might always live alone because I don’t know if I could deal with someone not understanding or putting me down. It’s not like the pain and other symptoms aren’t bad enough without that! I do hope you find some relief. I can relate to wanting to go to my Sister’s — my Sister & I are close & sometimes a visit to her feels like a welcome escape from other craziness! 🙂

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    • I know what you mean. I think if we were ever to break up, I would probably just stay single. Why deal with this mess again. It is so hard for people to understand when they can’t feel what we feel…and you’re right…our suffering is enough without having to deal with stress. I’m glad you have your sister to lean on too.

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