It seems that as the holidays approach (very quickly) that I find myself completely unprepared for them. Between recent issues at home to extraordinarily high pain levels, I just don’t seem to be in the holiday spirit. I would love nothing more than to be able to cook a proper meal (I love to cook) even if I don’t exactly have a happy family to share it with.
So how does one get in the spirit of the holidays, with emotional roller coasters, high pain levels, and the impending 10th year anniversary of my mother’s death knocking at the door? I simply don’t know. I think Thanksgiving is probably out of the question being that I am a big ball of nerves and can’t find the strength to be up long enough to cook. Perhaps by Christmas I can at least see the doctor to figure out where the majority of this pain is coming from. It’s a familiar kind of pain, so if I had to guess, either a cyst has burst or I have a urinary tract infection. I can see my GP for the second of the two, but would have to see the Ob/Gyn for the other, an appointment that usually takes at least a month to schedule. Maybe I can get an appointment for just the ultrasound and let the doctor call me if there’s anything there. Either way, I’ve had enough of them that I’m getting quite good at reading the ultrasound myself.
So, back to the holidays…how the hell am I supposed to enjoy the holidays with a person I can’t trust any more? Of course, he is in his super sweet phase now, which to be honest (and I sort of feel bad saying this) kinda makes me sick to my stomach. I am barely able to eat anyway…maybe I’ll just make a turkey sandwich for Thanksgiving. Quick, easy, and if I can’t eat it all, will be there waiting for the next meal. I really am trying to change my attitude (I know it’s kinda shitty right now) but I don’t quite know how. If there was a Scrooge for Thanksgiving, I would be him (her). Any suggestions?