Another Friendship Lost…

I don’t know what feels worse today…me or my broken heart.

I have had a low-grade fever every day since Sunday. Yesterday I called to let the doctor know that I had forgotten to tell him about it at my appointment on Monday, but at the time it was high too. Just now when I checked it was 99.8. That is actually a little higher than it seems because my normal temp is 97.whatever instead of 98.whatever. I thought about driving to the doctor, but with my head spinning, that probably isn’t a good idea. I don’t know what is going on. All I know is that this is unusual for me.

I sent an email yesterday to an old friend of mine. Actually, she is the one that I got my two girl dogs from. A short time ago she made a leap of faith and took a job in Boston without knowing anyone there or having a place to stay. She has made stranger things happen, so I convinced her that it was a chance worth taking. She is now in a great job there and as far as I know doing well. She has texted me a couple of times, but never an email although I have pleaded for her to write me and let me know, well, how things have been for her since she moved. She is either too busy working or at one point even said to wait until she had internet at her new apartment because she didn’t want to write an email on the phone. So, yesterday, since Bailey is back home and healthy I figured it was time for us to catch up. Even if she didn’t have much to say to me, she could at least read the email. I put the subject line as “Bailey” but I told her about my two surgeries and how I was doing better. I told her about this blog (although to be completely honest I never figured she would take the time to read it, but I hoped she would).

She wrote me back today

“Not gonna lie. I’m having a difficult time even reading this. Due to the subject line. I can’t handle any more bad news so I’m gonna pretend I didn’t get it until another day. I love you.”

Really?  The subject line?  We haven’t spoke in like 6 months and she refuses to even read the email. I burst out in tears. I understand that for whatever reason she is going through a hard time (probably work) but who doesn’t read an email from a good friend. A friend who took your dogs when you decided to travel the world so that the shelter wouldn’t put them down. A friend who let you stay at their house for over two weeks wiping your tears because you were having family and job problems until you decided that it was time to spend 3 months in Brazil. A friend who is sick and at home and just might need you. That is the “friend”‘s email that you refuse to read? So, I wrote her back saying this:

“You know, H***, I guess with all your new friends there, you don’t care about the old, sick ones here. I have been needing to talk to you for a while, but you were busy or couldn’t write an email on your new phone…I get it. Bailey WAS sick but is FINE now. I’m the one who is STILL sick and friendless. Do me a favor and don’t read the email. I put that as the subject line hoping that you would take some time out of your busy schedule to read it…guess I was wrong. It’s a mistake I won’t make again.”

So, chalk another friendship lost to chronic illness. You would think that I would be used to it now, but I’ve never had anyone be so blunt. They just slowly stopped calling or visiting or writing. I guess it is my own fault, but you know, with friends like that who needs enemies? Oh, no, I had forgotten about one. When I finally got up the courage to write something on Facebook about being sick, I did get a few replies from some old friends. When I posted “The Spoon Theory” in Spanish for M-‘s family (who I call my family) do you know that not one person responded? A few asked him about it, but not one of my “family” had the decency to respond. I think I will stick with my WordPress family. You guys always understand and almost always comment. At least I don’t feel so alone.

 

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13 thoughts on “Another Friendship Lost…

  1. We all have to set healthy boundaries and sometimes people won’t respect them. If she can’t handle you at your “I’m only showing you the tip of the iceburg of how bad things are” than she certainly doesn’t deserve you at your best. Because you are a great friend, like a really great caring friend who even cares enough to salvage friendships. You are by no means harsh. Keep the boundaries you set. Remember you are worth far more than you even thing. Praying for you sweet friend!

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  2. Your “friend” sounds selfish and self-centered. I’m sorry you had to deal with someone like her, clearly you’ve been a much better friend than her. I’ve been in a similar situation, the only advice I can give you is to move on, don’t invest anymore energy into a friendship that is clearly one-sided. I know it’s hard, it’s been a little over a year since I had my eyes opened by one such “friend” and I still have moments of doubt but at the end of the day there has been a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders and as far as I’m concerned it’s her loss not mine.

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  3. Well, she lives in Boston now, so there’s not too much I can invest. The problem is that she was the last good friend that I had. Tammy (walk with me through a journey…) has become my best friend. We send daily emails and usually talk on the phone on the weekends, but I feel like I need more friends, know what I mean. What if Tammy’s not around, but I really need to talk? The worst part of this has been losing my friends. They are necessary to keep you sane and, I hate to say, but with the pain we go through, they are necessary to keep us alive sometimes..you know, someone you cry all your stuff out to, and then when you’re done, somehow they make you realize it’s not worth it , or they say something really stupid to make you laugh. I have M- for right now, but he’ll probably be gone soon. I NEED other people during this time. But thank you so much for commenting. I always know when you read one of my posts because you ‘like’ it, and I do so appreciate it!

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  4. She is weak….you dont need a friend like her, if she can’t can’nt handle a friend who may complain now and again about this or that then scew them…you dont need to vent to some one undeserving of your time anyways, I have had people in my life like that, so I know exactly what your feeling,I recently lost my only best friend of 20 years who I could vent to about my pain, she would listen to me cjuz he understood cuz she suffered herself, thats why I started blogging and I love it so far. if anyone every wants to talk private jjust let me know, my email is my screen name @yahoo.com

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  5. Thank you for your comment. The best friend you lost that you were able to talk to, she was the one who passed away? If so, you really lost something special and I’m sorry for your loss. I will add you to my contacts. You never know, with the craziness around here lately, I can use all the friends I can get. So it’s countryfairy12@yahoo.com? Mine is joynpain2blog@gmail.com. You too, feel free to write me anytime to vent. I agree that the blogging (just the writing) is therapeutic, but what makes it extra special is the people. Good night.

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    • That was written on Oct. 30. I still haven’t heard anything from her. Part of me keeps hoping she’ll contact me, but well just have to wait and see. I mean, it’s almost been a month already…you would think that she should be able to have read that email by now, right? Most likely I won’t hear from her again. It breaks my heart to think about, but it happens. When you just can’t keep up with other’s busy lives, you get left out. It’s one of the curses that go along with these illnesses.

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  6. Joy, I think I told you that I lost my best friend that I had since first grade, pretty much right along with everyone else. If I call them, they’ll come, but they don’t call me. So, guess what? You’re stuck with Wild Thang cause she loves you just the way you are and I am so happy that I met you and that we’ve become such close friends. I really enjoy our phone chats. Sorry I haven’t been available the past few days, but I’ve been really sick. I will try to call you at 7. My memory is horrible, so If your phone isn’t ringing at 7, feel free to call me. You know I will always be here for you and you have been a great friend to me. You are my “bestie”, I think you already know that, but just in case and I can’t wait until we get to meet in person, because you know that is GONNA happen, some day, some way, some how. I promise. I love you, girl. Hang in there. Those people were never true friends to start with or they would still be around. That’s my theory and I’m sticking with it. Chin up! Stay strong. You got Wild Thang whether you want her or not and a whole lot of other friends right here on wordpress. As long as I’m your favorite, all is well.
    HUGS my dear friend,
    Wild Thang 🙂

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    • I do know…that you are the best friend I have had in a long time and that I have all these other wonderful friends too! It really bothered me that day, but I’m over it. If I had to choose I would choose you guys in a heartbeat.

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      • Damn straight, girl! I’ll tell you one thing, that you are a best friend to me, as well. You’re always here for me and I know your phone number so I can call you up and vent all day long if I need to. Now, that’s what I call a friend.
        Yep, get over it with that other friend, she wasn’t much of a friend, it sounds like. Didn’t bother me one damn bit when my ex best friend decided she didn’t want to be friends with me any more because I said hi to someone she doesn’t like. Seriously? Don’t need those kind of people in our lives. We were friends since the first grade. Anyone who causes me stress is outta here!
        HUGS my dear friend,
        Wild Thang at your service:) you know the crisis hotline number! LOL

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