Clear My Mind?

20130902-020828.jpg

Image from: http://teachmelife.wordpress.com/

I am in the process of reading How to Be Sick by Toni Bernhard. So far, it has motivated me to evaluate my emotions and the way that I see things. On the other hand, the book is inspired by Buddhism and the whole concept of meditation is foreign to me. I have tried before to clear my mind or not think about something. Of course, if you try NOT to think about something, you probably WILL think of whatever it is you’re trying NOT to think about. Perhaps this will all make better since by the time I finish the book, but so far I find myself completely and utterly perplexed. I am reminded of my sister-in-law telling me that if I hurt to just tell myself I don’t hurt. It doesn’t work like that, at least not for me.

As a Christian we are taught to “leave it to God” and he will handle it. That is another concept that has always evaded me. I understand that if you have faith, you should be able to do this, and I am a “believer” but to me it almost seems synonymous to saying ” don’t worry about it now, worry about it later.” I know that I have said on more than one occasion “God, I can’t handle this anymore so I’m leaving it in your hands” but either the situation is still there or it comes back up and you are left to face it. When I hurt, I can pray until I’m blue in the face for the pain to go away, but it doesn’t. I can pray for my life back, or even just a small piece of the life I once had, but I’m still here, still in bed and still hurting.

Image from: http://teachmelife.wordpress.com/

Do any of you have any thoughts on this? I am trying really hard to come to terms with the fact that this is my life now. There is no cure, barely any treatment, and I find myself with tears, now habitually, flowing. I just want to find some peace within myself and I don’t know how to get there. I have heard good things about this book and still have high hopes, but I am afraid that all of this wisdom will be lost on a dummy who can’t control her life, her health, or her emotions, much less her own thoughts.

20130902-020747.jpg

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Clear My Mind?

  1. Sorry about all your pain and misery. I can totally relate to all of it. I’ve had adhesions removed twice and I’m sure I’m full of them again and no one will operate on me, saying they will just come back. I also suffer from several chronic illnesses along with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and ADHD. I go to therapy 3 times a week. I finally decided to listen to my therapists’ and engage in mindfulness and meditation. I was very skeptical and about to give up thinking it was all just a bunch of BS. I’m hyper and it’s hard for me to hold still, for one thing. I always have racing thoughts, but anyway I decided that I was going to keep doing it every day and I’ve been doing it ever since. It’s only been about a month that I’ve taken it really seriously and tried my very hardest and I found out it does work. I can now get myself so relaxed that I can’t even feel my body. I can also find that inner peace we all have that is so hard to find. It’s a place of no thoughts or emotions. It takes a whole hell of a lot of practice, patience and belief in yourself, but if you stick with it, I promise it works. Now some people can do this in like 20 minutes. I’m not to that point yet. It does take me anywhere from an hour to two hours, but it is so worth it and I don’t have anything better to do laying here in bed almost all the time. I actually look forward to it now. I say, give it a try. There’s all kinds of info. on the internet on how to do it if you don’t know how. Good luck.

    Like

    • Thank you. I have been thinking a lot about it. I got a couple of books I’m going to read first to see if they help. I have also decided that even if it takes every bit of energy I have, I am going to do the stretches that my physical therapist (have you tried physical therapy for the adhesions- it works! However I ten to not always do the stretches) gave me until I learn a few yoga poses to add to it. Basically yoga is stretching, so same thing. Between the yoga/stretches and learning to meditate I hope something helps. Because for the foreseeable future, I will have to live with this and I’m not ready to quit fighting yet. I’m only 32–I can’t stay in bed all day. Of course I say this now and then the fatigue will hit me and we might be having a different discussion next week. For right now, I am going to fight it. Ever heard of biofeedback? I was wondering if it works. I was thinking of finding out if ins. pays for it or not…

      Like

  2. I’ve heard the word biofeedback, but I have not clue what that is all about. I did not know that physical therapy works for adhesions. thank you for that info. I’ll have to check into it. Yes, next week we may be having a different discussion, but for today let’s kick butt!

    Like

    • I agree. May the butt kicking continue. Ok, with the physical therapy you need to make sure that you get one that either specializes in pelvic pain or at least is in the process of. I live in Alabama and as far as I know there are only 3 ladies who have specializes in pelvic pain patients. The one I had was awesome. I worked with her for the past three years but she got a job at a pain clinic and they don’t take my insurance. So, when I start back I will have to try one of the other two. What helped me the most was when she worked on the soft tissue more than just the stretches. It hurt like hell but later it felt great. Basically what they do is manually stretch the muscles affected by the adhesion (it resembles massage but don’t confuse the two!) When they manually stretch the adhesion it feels like a red-hot blade is going through you (the first time I cried) then it’s sore for the rest of the day but after that your ability to move and relax that muscle is SO MUCH BETTER. Wow, I am going to miss my PT. I worked with her so long she knew my body and could just palpate the muscle and know where the trouble spots were. Seriously, try to find a PT. Like I said, it’s rough at first and it will take a while for them to get to know you and your specific trouble spots, but once you work with them it really helps.

      Like

Please leave a comment, some advice, or just say hello!

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s